I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
