Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
