have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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