I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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