he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
