the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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