what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
