she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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