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• (510): View more from California

  Wooohooo!  I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush.  Lots of happy people.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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• (805): View more from California

  In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career

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• (818): View more from California

  Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.

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• (310): View more from California

  Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.

  (818): View more from California

  Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Hello my rib-scented angel!

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• (954): View more from Florida

  The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I need to calm my uterus...

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year

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