The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!