Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can feel your judgement through the phone