This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum