If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
