If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
