gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
