What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
