i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
