I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
