i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
