He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
