At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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