idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
