I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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