Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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