i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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