Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We're too hungover to prance.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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