I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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