you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
