A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
wow bdsm is so cute
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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