there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
