i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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