We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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