I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
