So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
