yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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