I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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