Plan B is the new Plan A
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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