I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
