i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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