There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
