i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
