Dual....:-)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
