Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
