Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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