I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
