did you get engaged???
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
