Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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