I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
