yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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