just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
