my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
