It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize