my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
