when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
