Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize