We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
