I accidentally burped into my bong.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You left your phone here
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