who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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