I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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