Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
