She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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