No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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