is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
