I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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