then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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