I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pappa wants mamma naked
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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