Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
