PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize