i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
