i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
