So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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