____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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