Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
